'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
