I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
