we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
