Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
