I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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