I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My pussy is not your playground.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What a dumb baby whore.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
