I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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