Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
