If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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