So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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