I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
please don't ironically join a cult
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