i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
