if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
