so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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