considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize