I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
