Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
