Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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