they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
