This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
