I accidentally had phone sex last night
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
