What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
