can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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