This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
