Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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