there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dick has a subreddit
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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