thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
