Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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