I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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