I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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