i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
