I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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