Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
