Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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