dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
