I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
