do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
