If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
