So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
