i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
