I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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