I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
