More tranny stories later!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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