just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
