The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish there were birth control emojis
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
