Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
