His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
