Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
