You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
