How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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