just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
