these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this beer tastes like vomit already
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
