I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
