Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
