I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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