that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
