wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
