he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
