there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
