The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
