Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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