sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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