It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
