if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
