dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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