things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were trust falling into bushes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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